My neighbor Beulah got a hot tub from her insurance company for her bursitis which totally blew my mind and you would think they would have covered her scooter too- but no dice. Anyway, she invited me to come try out the hot tub and that night I learned two things: #1 the water intake port at the bottom of a standard hot tub is far too powerful to escape from when it gets ahold of your hair - so it is always best to swim with a buddy and avoid the bottom drain unless you don't mind having to forceably rip the hair from your skull in order to save yourself from drowning. and #2 is that swimming with the elderly can be especially hazardous because bengay and dentucream attack your sinus membranes and you could end up with a nasty infection and a post-neo-natal-nasal drip. While learning that painful lesson, my ear nose and throat doctor gave me a sterroidal cream to apply to my nostrils twice daily with a q-tip which worked beautifully but ......a nasty little side-effect they don't tell you about is that within six weeks I have packed on over 90 lbs of bulky iron rippling equine looking vein-laden muscle on virtually every surface on my body. It took me almost eight years of strict dieting and brutal cardio sessions on the stairmaster to drop all that bulk.
Well apparently I didn't learn my lesson well enough the first time because i bumped into Beulah at Hobby Lobby last week and (long story short) my fingers were all wrinkly before I remembered the lessons I had learned once before - now sure as death and taxes i ended up with sinusitis AGAIN and I was prescribed the sterroidal cream AGAIN and so far I have packed on 42lbs of lean rip but since I was struck in the spine recently by a ninja assassin's throwing star and since I am temporarily in a wheelchair - all 42 lbs of new muscle went to my forearms. I look like popeye if popeye was a semi-crippled ninja tee ball coach from the future and now I am thinking maybe I should lower the dose to once daily before I turn into a permanently top heavy semi-crippled ninja from the future and end up walking inverted like a baby circus ape on a crystal meth bender.